


Don't swipe right

by ilovemagick



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Drunk Sex, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Friends With Benefits, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-05-15 08:18:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 19,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5778244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovemagick/pseuds/ilovemagick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon Snow learns you should never drunkenly go on Tinder (Jokes, you totally should)<br/>*AM WRITING FINAL CHAPTERS NOW*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Boredom

**Author's Note:**

> Super random alternate fic- lets see where this goes

SIMON  
Penny’s been gone one week into her 5 week trip to see Micah. And already I’ve watched eight movies, gone running twice a day, cleaned the apartment we share completely, and cooked a three course meal. For myself. Suffice to say, I’m pretty bored. And lonely… 

..Even though technically it’s my own fault. I haven’t kept in contact with anyone from high school (Apart from Penny). It was hard though, because at boarding school I wasn’t visibly the orphan child who lucked out by winning a scholarship. Everyone ate the same, wore the same clothes, and lived in the same conditions. But after school, it was so glaringly obvious, when all my friends went to universities near their big mansions in Cambridge. Thank god for Penelope though. She was the first friend I ever made at Watford boarding school, and ended up being the best one. She wasn’t from a mega rich background either, so I always felt comfortable visiting her in school breaks- even if her mum kinda didn’t like me. Penny was just so normal, unlike Baz. Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch, my idiotic roommate from Watford.

I haven’t really thought much about Baz since graduating. In our early years, we were always fighting, we both ended up with a few detentions after a punch up or two. But in the last couple of years, we generally ignored each other. By the last six months, after he made it clear he wasn’t interested in my ex-girlfriend Agatha, we actually tolerated each other; could have a civil conversation. It’s probably why I don’t think of him much, because we ended up being acquaintances I guess…

…But back to my boredom. Netflix isn’t interesting, neither is cooking anymore, not even being able to play porn at full volume is. I start getting desperate. I need new friends. But how does one even make friends? I barely speak to anyone at university- becoming a lawyer so far is basically just a shit-ton of reading. They need an app to make friends… And that’s when I realise. There kinda is one. Well, it’s more for fuckbuddies, but I think it may work. Tinder. I had the app for a couple of days, after Agatha dumped me for good the second time last year. I was eighteen and looking to rebound. I went out with one girl I met on there- Lola I think her name was- and we went back to her apartment but it felt so wrong I left. It felt wrong because I didn’t know her. How do you have sex with someone you don’t know? I guess I’m just a romantic at heart. I decide to re-download the app again.

It doesn’t take long. 30 seconds maybe. Then I’m logged on, a new account. My picture is of me and Penny dressed up for one of her cousins weddings. (I was her substitute date) I also add a photo of me and Agatha’s puppy, Lucy, taken last year, because the dog is cute. And dogs imply I’m friendly, right? And shit, I’ll need a glass (or four) of wine to get through this. I’m sipping away whilst thinking about a caption. The alcohol starts to hit me, and I think of something brilliant. 

‘I’m her.e to find a fuckbuddy- without the fuck’

Hilarious in my drunken mind. I set the age limit from 18-25. I also decide to turn both girls and guys on- not because I’m attracted to guys, but because I realise I need more guy friends in my life. Now I can finally start swiping. I just keep swiping right, like, like, like, until eventually I start to get a few matches- girls and guys. And then I get a message. From a familiar face. Baz.


	2. 1st Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title says it all

BAZ  
I guess technically I should be on Grindr, not Tinder. I mean, it is an app made for guys like me- that is, queer guys. I did try it, but it was too easy to have some random hook up, it never meant much. Tinder is just more interesting. Most of the guys on there aren’t really gay- lots just like to talk. And I’m happy to just talk- I can pretend for a while to be close with someone. At Watford I had a few friends who followed me around; they weren’t too bright. I think they just wanted help on their homework- I was the top student after all (Sorry Penelope Bunce). I still sometimes see Dev and Niall, but they went off to other universities away from London. I know no one at the school of economics. And as my family lives in the country, I’m usually alone in the city at my Aunt Fiona’s- she’s a medical rep of some sort and is always travelling. So basically I have plenty of spare time when I’m school is slow, which is why I spend lots of time on Tinder. This leads me to tonight, as I’m swiping (guys only) to see a few new potential matches. No guys have caught my eye (what’s with all the mirror shirtless selfies? So cheesy) until the last one. 

Simon, 20, 14 kilometres away. 

A picture of Penelope Bunce, my only real challenge to be dux of Watford. The boy she’s standing next to- Simon. Simon freaking Snow. My roommate for all of Watford (purely coincidental). My one time enemy. My now distant acquaintance. And still my first (and maybe only) crush. 

I stare at the screen in shock. I mean, this is the guy who made me realise I was gay. I was in love with him- or so I thought. By the end of the year, we could stand to talk to one another, which was good for me. Meant I could look at him in the day too. Before that I had to use my very good vision to look at him, asleep, with the moonlight reflecting off his face (Sounds creepy I know) I knew where his moles were on his face. I still do now. One over his eye, three on his cheek. I still know the exact colour of his hair too- like actual bronze. Fuck, I had it so bad for him, and he never knew. No one did. Everyone thought I hated him- it was best that way. Much less awkward. 

By now my phone has shut off. I unlock it again, and still see Simon’s face staring at me on the screen. I do what anyone would at 1.30 in the morning- swipe right. 

And Crowley, it’s a match. 

Now my jaw is about to fall off I’m so shocked. I’ve matched with Simon Snow on Tinder. This is the best worst day ever. Best as I just matched with him. Worst as it’s now reminded me of how obsessed I was with him. 

I haven’t seen him since the last day of school, where we awkwardly waved goodbye. So I doubt I’d ever run into him. This gives me enough incentive to message him. It takes me 5 minutes to come up with something. 

‘Never thought I’d run into you in the real world quite like this Snow’ is what I manage to come up with. Not my best, but since Snow is the biggest moron, it doesn’t really matter.   
One minute rolls by, then two. Then suddenly, a reply.

‘The real world isn’t what you always expect, Tyrannus.’

The little shit. He knows I never use that name. I decide to steer this conversation elsewhere.

‘Still friends with Bunce I see. How is my understudy?’

‘Fantastic actually. On a paid for trip to America in the same city as Micah. So much better than being on tinder at 1.40’

‘Touché. Why on you here anyway?’

I don’t expect him to reply to this, but he does.

‘Read my bio, you prat.’ 

Who even says prat anyway? I totally forgot to read his bio, so I do. Ah, so the dude looking for a friend. I try to pretend I’m not saddened by this.

‘Bit lonely are we?’ I ask

‘Just a tad. What are you like at Fifa?’ he says.

I take a risk. ‘Good enough to beat you.’ 

‘Prove it. Come and beat me.’ He sends me his address, and that’s how I end up at going over to Snow’s apartment at 2 am. Just proving that even now I’d do anything to please him.


	3. FIFA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk how this game actually works so sorry to anyone who plays it if its wrongly portrayed :)

SIMON  
I just invited my ex-enemy, old roommate and one-time acquaintance over to play Fifa. Via Tinder. At 2 am. This has officially reached a new level of desperation for me- at least he agreed. I shouldn’t have asked really, but Penny never plays with me, so I don’t even know if I’m any good. Also, I figure it’s much safer to invite someone you already know- because they won’t kill you (even if for a few months in 5th year I was convinced Baz was going to) So that’s how at some ridiculously early time in the night Baz ends up knocking on my door. The wine, and my over-tiredness, has convinced me it’s perfectly okay to answer the door in my pyjamas- which are these days a pair of sweatpants. I realise on the way to the door Baz and I never got changed in front of each other at school, so this might be weird, but then I remember we’re 20 now, not insecure teenagers, and besides I can’t be bothered walking back. So I just go ahead and open the door.

Baz is standing there dressed head to toe in winter designer clothes, even though it’s summer. Fucking typical. He gives me one weird look, one eyebrow raised in question.

“…Snow,” he says.

“Baz! My old pal. Come on in.” I sound very cheery (well the wine does)

Baz steps inside and takes off his boots(!) and coat. I look down at his jeans, they are black, and look so comfortable while also being tight. 

“Ready to get your ass-whopped?” I ask.

“Pfft, that will never happen,” is his reply as he moves to sit on a couch.

“Wait! The X-Box isn’t in this room. It’s in my bedroom.”

Baz falters for a moment. “You’re bedroom. Are you luring me into a trap?” He seems genuinely concerned.

“It’s only there so I can play all night without Penny having to hear it.” He thinks about this for a moment, and decides it makes sense, so he follows me into my unkempt room.

“I see nothing has changed Snow, you’re as messy as ever,” he remarks. The fucker.

“And you’re still dressing like a gay millionaire. Some things don’t change.” I’m not known for good comebacks. 

“Dressing well makes me look like a gay millionaire, how forward thinking of you.” He seems generally miffed at my bad insult. Weird.

“Whatever. Come, sit, verse.” And he tentatively sits on my bed as I turn it all on. 

We begin. And dammit, he’s actually really good. We are 1-1 by the half time. We played in relative silence the whole time.

“Are you hungry?” I ask.

“No thanks. But I bet you are.” I grin, and head off to the kitchen. Baz is surprisingly turning out to be a good substitute friend for Penelope; at least I can verse him in games. I grab some Doritos and head back. When I lie down again Baz is giving me some weird looks. I’ve sat a tad too close, and now my leg is touching his.

“Whoops, sorry,” I mutter and move back a bit. Baz shakes his head ever so slightly and turns his attention back to the game.

We never finish the game. I start to lose focus, my eyes begin to droop. After a while I realise Baz has no defence in his playing. Actually his players aren’t really moving at all. I look over and his head is tilted down in an uncomfortable position. He’s asleep. I notice how long his eyelashes are. They are super dark too. Girls would be jealous of his eyelashes.

I’m so tired I grab two pillows, push one under Baz’s head, and he mumbles something. I then pull the blanket over both of us, and fall asleep listening to Baz’s breathing- just like I did in high school.


	4. The in-between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz gets anxious about whether this was a one-time thing. Panics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short but I'm super tired

BAZ  
I wake up disoriented and very hot. It takes me a few moments to register the rush of air on my neck. The rush of air coming from Snow’s mouth. And then I remember where I am. At Snow’s boxy apartment, on his bed, and now apparently sleeping very closely next to him. God damn, he still looks amazing asleep, mouth wide open (mouth breather). And shirtless- when he opened the door it took all of my restraint to not drop my jaw in astonishment. Somehow in the space of two years he has gotten more attractive. Seeing Snow shirtless is a memory I plan to remember, for places like the shower (if you know what I mean). He’s still shirtless now, and I can feel the heat radiating off him, although we aren’t touching in any way. I check the time on my watch. 5.48. I figure it’s best if I just leave quietly now, let the guy sleep. Also, I’m still slightly embarrassed of my mild freak out when Simon pressed his leg against mine. He probably thought I was repulsed, when in fact I was quite the opposite. Because it just seemed so natural.

I make it home in half an hour, and proceed to fall back to sleep. I wake up after lunch, and while I’m getting a snack I check my phone. I have a few Tinder messages, but none from Simon. Damn. So I go shower. Still no message. Practice my violin for an hour. Again, no message. I guess I could message him first. But I won’t; I’m too frightened that he’d laugh at me, like last night- us being friends- never happened.

It isn’t until the sun begins to set that Snow decides to message me.

‘What was with the disappearing act? :P’

I feel so relieved, and deliriously happy, at just a simple message. But I know I have to play it cool, and not reply straight away. 

I manage to wait three minutes (not my finest moment)

‘I had things to do Snow’ I end up with. I’m playing it safe.

‘Well, we never finished our game…’

Fuck it. I’m done playing safe- the whole 2.5 seconds.

‘I’m game later, but first I need to eat. You hungry?’

‘When am I ever not :) Indian food?’

‘Sure. Meet me here in half an hour.’ I tell him my favourite little restaurant which now I think about it has a kinda romantic feel to it… shit shit shit.

‘I love that place!’ Snow replies. Well, that’s all good then. I’m just over thinking things.


	5. Trip down memory lane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon remembers why he didn't like Baz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tried to not let it drag out for too long. Simon is so oblivious here which I found adorable to write :)   
> Also, pretty obvious who the Mage is now ;)

SIMON  
The little Indian restaurant is a bit of a trek from my house, but they have the best Naan bread, so I don’t mind. Also, it means I won’t have another night of eating junk food on my couch, as I have admittedly been doing since Penny’s been gone. Baz is proving to be not bad company. I’m starting to wonder why we never got along. We were young and stupid…

I remember meeting Baz for the first time. Miss Possibelf, the friendly head of boarding (and the closest thing I had to a mother at Watford) had given me a tour of the whole school, and we’d arrived back at my new dorm room. I wasn’t anxious; I’d grown up in and out of orphanages when I wasn’t with a foster family, so I was definitely used to sharing rooms. 

“Ah, Simon! You’re roommate is here. Simon Snow, meet Basilton Pitch.” 

They boy- Basilton- looked at me with a snarl. He looked like he was in pain.

“Aren’t you the special scholarship kid?” Were his first words to me.

“Maybe,” I said, trying to play it cool. He was dressed in super nice, fancy clothes and his hair was styled perfectly. We were the same height back then too. 

“Basilton, be nice. I’ll see you next break,” the scary man behind Baz said- his father I later discovered. He walked straight out of the room without a glance back. Baz didn’t seem to care.

“…Well, I best be off! Let you two get acquainted! Here at Watford, you never change roommates, so you best get along. I gather you’ve both read the rules in your orientation book?” Miss Possibelf didn’t wait for an answer, just waltzed right out of the room. 

“You don’t deserve to be here. You’re just lucky our principle, Mr Mager, went to the orphanage you happened to be at.”

I was taken aback by his rudeness.

“Fuck off, I deserve to be here as much as you with all your money, you ponce.” I had quite a bad mouth back then (still do)

“Ah, such vulgar language is another example to the many reasons why you won’t fit in here.”

I went to charge at him, but he held up his hands. 

“You do realise you’ll be expelled on the spot if you ever lay your hands on me?” 

That was enough to stop me. I busied myself by going through my brand new uniform, the fanciest clothes I then had ever owned. I was in awe of this place, and most of the people here had been so kind. I wasn’t going to let one sullen moody kid who happened to be my roommate ruin this opportunity for me. 

We eventually settled in to a rhythm where we ignored each other for the most part, with only a few snide remarks thrown here and there. I found Penny, and other friends like Gareth- nice guys who I played games in free time with. Baz never really fitted in that well- he had Dev and Niall, two idiots in our year, but other than that he was too busy either studying (he was the smartest in the year annoyingly) or playing in the top soccer team. It wasn’t until in the 5th year, when I started dating Agatha that Baz started to get real mean. I’m pretty sure he was jealous, that he wanted Agatha. The tormenting got worse, for the most part, I would ignore it. Then when I missed curfew, he got me detention for a week. Then, after one rather explosive morning, I was walking down the stairs (we had the highest room) and I fell, and I swear I felt hands on my back just before I did. I broke an arm, but there was no proof it was Baz. 

After that, we went back to ignoring each other, until Agatha dumped me in the last year. I still remember the conversation we had that made us kinda buddies.

I had come back to our room, upset. Agatha’s parents were the closest thing to family (they took pity on me in my first year). Also, at the time I thought I loved Agatha. Baz was working on some school stuff (as usual) but obviously I didn’t hide my distress well enough.

“Christ, Snow, you look like shit.”

“Fuck off. If you must know what happened, Agatha and I broke up, She’s all yours now.”

“Well I never technically asked. But since you told me I take it wasn’t a mutual decision. And also, Snow, I’m not interested in Agatha. You have nothing to worry about.”

“What? I swear you did have a thing for her in 5th year. You were always staring at us at dinner.”

Baz faltered for a bit. “That was a long time go.”

Once I knew Baz wasn’t going to go there I felt relieved, and it made me respect him a little. Even more so when Agatha did try to entice him one Friday night, and Baz rejected her. Penny told me so- she was still friends with Agatha. 

So that’s how for the last 6 months of school Baz and I were able to live still in silence, but a relaxed silence. The hatred he had for me at the beginning of schooling had evaporated, and my anger towards him had too…

Maybe now, that we’re older and wiser and have experience living in the real world, Baz and I can be friends. We both like gaming, work hard at school, and Indian food. It’s a perfect match, really.


	6. Not just a tinder friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz and Simon eat food and Simon gets drunk. Baz realises he's screwed

BAZ  
I realised why I disliked Snow so much when I was younger as soon as he started dating Agatha. I became extremely touchy, and jealous of what they had, which made sense after I realised I loved him. Yes, I hated him because I loved him, which only makes sense in my twisted mind. 

I’m waiting at a table in the corner when Snow finally waltzes in. He manages to knock a chair on the way to where I’m sitting, the klutz. He sits down with a sheepish grin plastered on his face.

“Fancy meeting you here.”

“Hilarious Snow. Seems like your sense of humour is still sub- par.”

“Seems like you still don’t have one.” He shoots right back. He didn’t even fluster once. Damn. 

We shift into an easy conversation- what we’re studying (Me- international relations, him- criminal law) how my family is, how the Bunce’s are, and eventually to our school days. (It’s been half an hour and we are yet to order)

“You were such a dick to me back then.” Simon points out. He’s not wrong.

“I was, but I had lived a sheltered life. People can change for the better.” I say.

“I can see that.” It’s awkward for a few moments, until a waiter saves us. I order one dish, Simon orders three. With naan bread. We eat in silence.

“So I take it you’re coming back to mine.”

“Of course. I must prove my Fifa abilities.”

Simon scoffs at that. 

Later, after I prove victorious (obviously) wine is opened and quickly drunk. Simon apparently gets drunk real quickly, for a while there he got very silly (singing Mamma Mia with no backing at the top of your lungs constitutes as silly) and now he’s slurring. Fucking hell.

“You know Basilton, I used to want to be you. You always seemed s’cool.” He drawls. “ ’nd oh I wanted to ask to be like you, but you were such a dick.” 

“That’s nice.” I respond. I’ve only had one glass.

“Also, I always wanted to touch your hair. It looks so soft. Can I touch it?” And he’s looking up at me with those plain blue eyes and pink lips that look so irresistible I want to let him touch it, but he’s drunk and I can’t tell if he’s flirting and I need to step back. So I do. 

“Let’s get you to bed buddy.”

“Only if you stay. I miss when we shared a room, coz I like to hear you breathe.” Snow really isn’t helping.

“I’ll stay till you sleep okay?” I won’t.

“You gotta help me up first.” I do, and he leans into me, our sides touching, and he smells like cinnamon and wine and it’s so intoxicating I almost swoon. From a fucking scent. I’ve got it bad, again. 

I somehow manage to get him into bed, after he demands I tuck him in. I grab some water and aspirin and put it next to his bed, just in case, and as Snow mumbles something about coffee (I think) I manage to sneak out of his home for the second time this week.

When I get home in the early hours of the morning, I set about trying to find someone to sleep with. But my mind isn’t cooperating. I never go the same guy twice, which amps up the difficulty. I tell myself it’s because I can’t be bothered, but it’s really because of some stupid golden haired boy.

In the morning, I see I already have a message from Snow.

‘Thanks for helping my drunk-ass last night. Let’s now text instead. My number is…” 

I don’t reply, but text him instead.

‘No problem Snow. I do have some good friendship perks.’

‘HAHA, who would have thought. ;)’

I don’t send back a message. But then my phone chimes again.

‘I’m bored. Let’s go out later?’  
I know I shouldn’t, but I say yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know exactly where the next one is going and I'm so excited I've just got to say.... It's Snow and Baz going to a pub and discussing how they pick up women...


	7. Woo me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and Baz talk relationships. Baz cons Simon into making their catch up much more date-like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I got such lovely comments about the flashbacks here is another mini one for you :)

SIMON

That night, Baz and I end up at this pub that’s right in the middle of our two homes. It’s a nice little place, live music, and the option to sit outside, which I like. Tonight, there’s a saxophonist playing, which is very mellow. Baz seems to like it, he’s been watching the guy play for a while now.

“Have you ever been here before?” I ask.

“No, but I’m impressed. Good choice.” I grin at him for the compliment.

“It’s where I often come on a date.” I say. Well, the total of three dates I’ve been on since high school (two Penny set up) I’ve come here for all.

“Ah, so it’s your wooing place.” Baz sneers- somehow in a jokingly manner.

“Where’s your wooing place?” I ask. I’m curious, because at Watford Baz never dated anyone, ever. From what I saw. Never took anyone to the many dances…

…Baz and I were both in our room at Watford. It was the last ever school dance. I was getting ready, Penny had leant me one of Premal’s (her brothers) suits. It was a blue-grey colour, and actually fit for once. My gym mornings were paying off. Baz wasn’t getting ready, he was still in his pyjamas.

“Surely you’re not missing our last ever dance,” I asked.

“Might turn up later, might not. It’s a lame event.” 

I scoffed at him for that.

“Only because you never had a date. This time I don’t- I’m going stag. So is Penny. Come join.” I don’t know why I asked him to, but I did. And he actually looked like he was considering it.

He declined. But did show up later in a blood red suit that looked awesome, Dev and Niall in tow. And from what I remember, Baz danced, and had fun for once…

“I don’t exactly ‘woo’ anyone,” Baz says.

“You STILL haven’t gone out with anyone? C’mon Baz, you’re worse than Penny, who wouldn’t even look at anyone else while her and Micah were on a break.”

“Well, I just don’t date. Why are you so god damn inquisitive?” He seems annoyed now.

“You are now somehow my friend, courtesy of Tinder. So as your friend, I like to know these things.”

Baz seems shocked, but then grins. 

“Who would have ever thought I’d be friends with Simon Snow. So, friend, if you must know, I only ever really hook up with people.”

That kinda doesn’t surprise me, considering how Baz never seemed to have allowed anyone to get close to him.

“You’re missing out. Sex, yeah, it’s ok, but the date part… talking to someone… it’s the best.” I know I definitely don’t sound like a typical guy when I say that, but it’s true.

And also, my total sexual partners’ totals two, and both were just…. Ok. Porn definitely set my idea of sex way too high. Both times the girl was uncomfortable, and after Agatha’s and my first time she said ‘is that it?’ it still hurts thinking about it now. 

“You enjoy this? Talking? That’s the worst aspect of dating,” Baz replies.

“This is different. We are just friends. No wooing is taking place right now.” 

“Alright, show me your woo skills, then I may believe you,” Baz smirks, and I get the feeling he’d never suggest this without drinking two pints. But whatever. I’m totally game. My dating technique probably needs some work, as history suggests. 

“You’re so on, friend.”


	8. Not a competition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon takes the comp too far. Baz doesn't mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh this is so short but I'm super busy right now happy Australia Day!   
> So yeah not super happy with this, bit angsty but ah well

BAZ

Fuck, I should not have suggested this. Suggesting Simon Snow should woo me with his magical way of talking. I knew he couldn’t back down from a competition. 

“You really do look amazing tonight,” Simon begins. Crap, I’m so screwed.

“Really? That’s all you got?” I start.

“Hey, I just started! And also, I’ve only ever woo’d girls too. Let me warm up.” I wait for him to continue. 

“So, Basilton, are you working or studying at the moment?” 

I sneer. “Studying at the school of economics, working at Starbucks.” 

Snow’s eyes light up. “Starbucks! I do love a good coffee. Perhaps you’ll have to show me your barista skills sometime.”

This is too much. “Perhaps.”

Snow grins at that. “I’m glad. Should we order now?” I nod, and he flags down a waitress. 

Snow lets me order first.

“So, what’s your favourite show to binge watch?”

“Do you enjoy go-karting? Because I know this cool place.”

“Would I be able to perhaps have your snapchat name?” Are just a few of the questions thrown my way. There’s idle chit-chat in between, so it doesn’t feel like an interrogation.

“American Horror Story.”

“I’ve never been actually.”

“Sure.”

When the night concludes, I now have Snow on snapchat, we are going go-karting next week, and I now know of Snow’s terrible ideas as to why all American Horror Story’s seasons are connected. It’s atrocious. 

“It’s been a wonderful evening. Wouldn’t you agree?” I’m trying not to blush, so all I can do is nod.

“Let me walk you out.” As we are walking, his hand rests on the low curve of my back. This is a sweet torture I put on myself.

“I guess this is goodnight.” I say.

“See you soon,” he says, whilst reaching up to kiss me on the cheek, but I turn my head so it’s more the corner of my mouth. I jerk back. So does Snow. But then he bursts out laughing.

“What the hell was that? You look so repulsed, but you did ask for it! I can’t be that horrid, can I?” He says then playfully punches my arm. He begins to walk off, and I’m watching him go, still in a mild state of shock that I almost kissed Simon Snow.

He turns around. “I totally won that. Victory is mine.” He's chuckling. I’d let him win every time if that’s how it ended.  
…  
Later that night, after one snapchat from Snow (him sticking his tongue out saying ‘goodnight loser’) I debate whether to tell him out right that I’m gay or not. I’ve surprisingly enjoyed hanging out with the moron (most of the time). And could telling him ruin our friendship? Especially as I’m kinda (read: a lot) into him? These questions run through my head all night, keeping me awake. Oh, and so does the thought that we almost kissed (and how nice that almost kiss was)


	9. Skype

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter where Penny is a blabbermouth and a meddler, Agatha makes an appearance, and Simon begins to realise something ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOO trying to get this fic to move forward is really difficult, so sorry if it seems quite rushed, it's about time we got to the good stuff though :)

SIMON  
It’s reached the halfway point of Penny’s trip, and I’m not sad and miserable like I told her I would be. When we Skype that night- the first time since she left- she’s rather surprised to find me looking so happy.

“So, who’s the girl that’s got you all puppy-eyed?” Penny teases. Dammit, she knows me too well.

“Haha. We’ll get to that. How’s America?” Then for a solid ten minutes I listen to Penny’s ramblings, even though she’s told me half this stuff on Facebook. But I let her keep going, because she’s all excited, although I don’t quite understand stem cell research. Micah appears on the screen (he’s grown exponentially since he was here four years ago) and we exchange greetings, but we don’t have much to say. Then Penny finally remembers what she first said to me. (I didn’t even get a hello. But that’s just Penny, not one for greetings.)

“So, spill, who’s the girl your’e dating? I can totally tell you are, your whole facial expression changes.” She’s smirking at me. 

“Well, it’s not a girl-“

“-I knew it! It’s a guy!” 

Wait, what? 

“Pen, let me speak. To begin, you said girl first, so obviously you didn’t know.” She looks quite sheepish now. “And, also, we aren’t dating, it’s a friend, you’re substitute replacement. And we both did know him reasonably well…”

“Who? Gareth? Rhys? The guy who was always playing the accordion?” I shake my head for every one of her guesses.

“It’s Baz,” I say with a grin.

It’s silent for a few moments, and I don’t think it’s the connection delay. 

“Welll, my oh my, I never would have guessed that. Basilton Pitch, your sworn enemy in our early days of school, reason for your paranoia in 5th year, the guy I literally banned you from talking about? Actually, saying this allowed kinda makes sense. You were obsessed with him after all.”

“Hey! I so was not! I was obsessed with watching my back in case he tried anything.”

“The only thing that guy would of ever have tried with you is to kiss you, you big idiot.” Penny’s enjoying this now. 

But did I hear that right. Baz would have wanted to kiss me?

“Baz is gay?” I say.

“From what Agatha has said, yes. Their families are friends, after all. Although she did say it was a rumour, and that his family hadn’t taken the news well…” 

“It doesn’t matter if he’s gay or not, Pen. He’s not interested in me in that way, and I’m straight. And he’s actually really fun now. Much nicer, and more liberal these days. Definitely not like at Watford.”

“I’m glad you are capable of making friends. If you had told me this sooner, well…”

Shit. Penny’s been planning something, meddling with my life again, even on the other side of the world.

I sigh. “What have you done now?”

“Told Agatha you’ll be taking my place at her 21st. It’s at some big fancy club in town. You have to go, you broke up over three years ago, and she wants you to go. As friends, of course, she has a boyfriend. But you two need to start hanging out again, I know you miss her family.”

And as usual, Penny isn’t wrong. I do miss Agatha’s friendship- we did start off as such. It would be nice to sort it out. But I won’t give Penny the satisfaction of knowing she’s right- not yet.

“Really? Crap. I’ll see if I can fit it in, maybe show for an hour or so,” I say nonchalantly.

“You’re a shit actor. You totally want to go. And I bet your new best friend will be going, so there. And even though you want to go, but decide not to, I will be mad. There will be consequences mister!” Sometimes Penny likes to act more like my older sister than best friend, which I really don’t mind. She is my family after all. 

“Please, you’re always gonna be my bestest friend! And fine, mum, when did you get so bossy?” I joke- Penny’s always been this god damn bossy. 

“Good. It’s this Saturday. You should get an event invite on Facebook soon.” Just as she says that, my phone chimes with a notification for the event.

“Are you a wizard? You totally timed that.”

“Nah, I’m just a genius. Miss you!” She blows me a kiss and the screen goes black. Didn’t even give me a chance to say goodbye. Typical. I check the invite list- Baz is invited but he hasn’t clicked going. But heaps of old school mates have. I click going.

After my shower and an episode of game of thrones, I check my phone again (no Tinder to check, I deleted that after our Indian food night) and have a message from Agatha. 

‘Hey, Simon. Glad you’re coming. Will be good to see you again! My dad missed you heaps. Feel free to bring a date :)’

I reply with. ‘Hey, I missed your fam too. Will be good to catch up. Glad we are both much more mature now. And no need for one :)’

She just replies with ‘Hahaha. You being mature- that’s a joke :P’ 

It appears we are back to being friends. That was easy. 

I text Baz ‘You better be going to Agatha’s shin-dig.’

‘I take it that means party. You sure have some weird sayings. And yeah, just forgot to click going.’

‘LOL I’m funny, not weird 8)’ 

‘See you there moron.’ 

I grin at that. But then maybe I shouldn’t have messaged Baz. Because it got me thinking about what Penny was saying. How he wanted to kiss me? Does that mean he liked liked me? If so, does he still? Is he even gay? He never actually said who he was hooking up with. I find myself thinking about tonight, how I was holding his back and almost kissed him. That was just a competition, a bit of friendly fun and banter. If he really did like me, he would have turned his head and kissed me properly. Not that I would have wanted him to. But it wouldn’t have been bad either, his face is really soft. I bet his lips would be too…

… It’s impossible to sleep tonight. Does thinking about kissing Baz make me gay? I decide no, eventually, and if I actually do kiss him then maybe I’ll stop thinking about it, and then we can go back to being mates, my closest bloke friend, and all will be fine again. Dammit Penny. She’s way too capable of messing with my life (and mind)across the other side of the world, even if this one’s unintentional.


	10. Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz reveals more about his family. Some dancing and sexual tension occurs present day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite a long one this time!

BAZ  
The rest of the week, Simon is suspiciously quiet. It makes me want him more.

We don’t meet up before the party. I get there way before him. Dev’s ex-girlfriend, Elsie, is here. She is actually a decent person (don’t know what she saw in Dev)

“Baz! I’ve missed you!” She squeals. 

We hug. “Good to see you.” She offers me a shot (or three) and I take them. Nothing like a bit of alcoholic courage.

“Let’s dance!” I would never have been friends with her in high school, when I was a moody teen (which I totally blame Snow for) but now, I agree to leave the sectioned area for Agatha’s birthday, because I know these people heard the gay rumours about me…

..I told my family a year ago. They didn’t take the news well. Father got up and left the room without a word, and wouldn’t speak to me for a month. Daphne, my step mum, did try to keep some peace, but she really has no control in my family. Mordelia took it the best; she actually knew what being queer meant to a certain level- although she did ask to go shopping with me.(Stereotyped much?) My other siblings still don’t know, because they’re still too young. Once my father would speak to me, the confession was pushed under the rug to add to our growing list of family secrets kept locked away. Aunt Fiona is the only one to accept my queerness whole heartedly. (I told her long before I told the rest of my family. She is the black sheep after all). I never told any of my friends, the few I had. But somehow, the rumour got out. I have never actually dated anyone, so there’s no proof. And no one connected to my family and Watford ever asks, because they’re all to rich (it’s all old money) and proper and wouldn’t ask up front, it would be too rude. If they did I would admit it, but they don’t, and I feel them watching me whenever I’m around this social circle, and I hate it…

…So really you can’t blame me for going to dance with Elsie- even though I usually don’t dance. She gets really into it. We are right in the centre, and she’s jumping up and down to the rock-type song playing. Then the music switches to a song I that’s super sexual (I don’t know how it can be, but it is). So Elsie turns around and starts grinding on me.

“Won’t Dev be pissed?” I ask.

“He’s too busy trying to reach some girls tonsils with his tongue. And also, he’s heard the rumours. This is fun, and sure beats some random creep trying to grind all up on me!” She shouts back to be heard over the music.

I like Elsie because she’s so upfront. It’s the first time anyone’s actually mentioned the rumours to me. I’m happy she had the balls to, so I continue dancing with her. And it is fun, being pressed up to someone, feeling the beat of the music in your movements, sweaty with the surrounding crowds. I feel more relaxed strangely now than I have all week. Until I see Simon, of course.

SIMON

I somehow get bullied into going. (Penny threatens to get all her siblings to come over, and they are slightly bonkers, so no thanks)

When I arrive at the club, I head straight for Agatha’s party. It’s up on a higher level, so you can look out over the main club and see everyone dancing. I feel like a VIP. It’s way cool. I end up talking to Gareth for a while (hearing about his plan for some app called ‘How to Swag’ which sounds completely stupid and completely Gareth) Then, having enough socialising, I look for Baz. He’s not here. The dancing’s pretty fun to watch though. By this time, I have had a few drinks (courage shots). Because I’ve decided I’m going to kiss Baz, to get the idea of it out of my head, so I can go back to thinking about girls. Maybe not here, but after.

And that’s when I see him grinding up on the dancefloor with some girl. So the rumours are false. That makes things easier- if we are both straight. He’ll probably push me off him. Good.  
He chooses that moment to look up. We make eye contact. It’s kinda weird. But then he’s waving me down, so I go. It sure beats talking to a bunch of kids with too much money at their disposal. (I swear no one is actually still studying here. But I guess they don’t need to)

When I make it down there, the girl waves me over. She’s pretty hot, actually. Baz must have clued her in. I love to dance, to unwind, but I’m a klutz. I need guidance. I start to move, awkwardly, but the girl moves over to me, and starts pressing up against me. Which is cool, I’m definitely not complaining. Baz is still dancing, like a smooth fucker, which is annoying. Of course he’s good at this, like he is at literally everything else. 

We dance like this, three bodies, pressed closely. The girl is facing me, hands around my neck. Baz is pressed behind her. It’s basically a threesome on the dance floor. This is the most erotic thing I’ve done in a long time. Then the girl notices some guy at the bar, and leaves us be. Which is a shame really. Now it’s just me and Baz. Baz and I. Occasionally we touched when dancing with that girl, but this is different. We can’t dance alone, everyone can see, even though I want to. I don’t want to go back upstairs though, everyone is too different, too carefree. And Baz is looking with me with his grey eyes, looking at my neck. He looks lustful, somehow. I can’t tell if it’s from the girl grinding between us, or me. It’s too hot, too much tension. So I do the first thing that comes to mind.

“Wanna leave?” I say. Baz nods, eyes still roaming over me, unashamed. I grab his wrist, and pull him out of the crowd. Iv'e only been here twenty minutes, tops. The alcohol hasn't even kicked in yet. Good. 

We make it out of the club, onto the train, and back to mine in silence. It’s peaceful. Like we both needed to recover from that dancing. When I make it to my door I realise I never wished Agatha a happy birthday.


	11. The beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz admits a lot. Simon goes for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the hardest chapter to write. I've been struggling allllll day it's been so stressful! Like how would these two fools ever kiss? And I wanted to keep it from one perspective, so you'll get Simon's in the next chapter :)

BAZ  
I’m sitting on Simon’s couch again. He’s in the armchair. 

“Who was that girl? On the dancefloor?” Snow asks.

“Elsie. Dev’s ex. Way too good for him.”

“Wow, what on earth did she see in him? She’s attractive, and Dev is well… Dev.”

I try to pretend Simon saying she’s attractive doesn’t bother me. But it so does. He can tell, too, as he gives me a weird look.

“Sorry to make you leave.”

“It’s fine. I never cared much for any of them anyway.”

“I did. Back in school I was friendly with lots of them. But now, it’s just weird. I listened to Gareth talk about some app he plans to make. I overheard someone talking about their travel blog. It’s like no one wants to go to University, because no one needs to. They’re so rich already they can live leisurely, and that seems so meaningless. For once, I’m glad I came from nothing, because it would totally suck to have their perspective of life.”

I get what Snow is saying, even though I come from money. Because it’s true, no one from our year has amounted to much.

“I stopped letting my family pay for me as soon as I finished school,” I say, quietly. Almost a whisper.

“How come?” 

“I wanted to become something. My fathers’ main ‘job’ is essentially socialising, occasionally investing. My mother, however, she worked hard. She was a teacher. She didn’t need to work, but wanted to, because it gave her a purpose..” I find myself choking up a bit. Simon moves to sit next to me.

“… She worked at a public school, too. She’s the reason I pay for myself. Why I also have a job whilst studying. I don’t pay for my apartment, that’s my aunts, but everything else I do. I have almost five thousand pounds saved as well, money I’ll use to further myself somehow.”

I’ve never been this honest with anyone. Why I’m motivated to work so hard, when I really don’t need to. Snow needs to.

“That’s actually really impressive. Your mum must have been amazing.” Snow whispers.

“She was. I only had her for the first eight years, and then cancer struck her down. Bone cancer. It was horrible to watch, those six torturous months between her diagnosis and her death.”

“Oh, man, I’m so sorry,” Snow says, leaning into me to half hug me. I can hear the sadness for me in his voice. It’s soothing.

“I usually hate people saying that. But from you, it’s different. You’ve had it hard too.”

“I have. And maybe not now, but another time, I’ll tell you about my childhood. But right now, we got to cheer you up. Perhaps we should go back to the party?”

“I’m good.”

“We could find you someone to hook up with. That always takes some pain away, as horrible as it sounds.”

“It does, yes, and I would agree but not right now.” Not right now because Snow is pressed up to my side, hand still on my back, rubbing circles, and I don’t want to move ever from this position. Then suddenly it stops.

“Do you like girls or guys?” Simon blurts. I take it he’s heard the rumours then.

“I’ve experimented with both. Does it matter? I ask. (and I’m only half lying, I have slept with a girl to see if I was definitely gay) (I am definitely gay)

“No, it doesn’t. That’s cool.” He says, eyes hooded down. I watch him, watch my lips. Fuck, does Snow want to kiss me?

“What made you ask?” I say, breaking the moment.

“Well, I heard that you may have been gay, but seeing you with Elsie made me believe otherwise.”

“What are you? Gay? Straight? Bi?” 

“Straight,” he says. 

“Straight,” he repeats. “But right now, as your friend, I want to help you. Just tonight.”

I don’t quite understand at first, until he leans into me and presses our lips together, and holy fucking shit I’m kissing Simon Snow, my teenage (who am I kidding- my present day) infatuation, but then I realise why we are kissing, out of pity for me.

I pull back. “You can’t kiss me out of pity.”

“Fine. But right now, I want to kiss you because I can.”

And I’m weak, that’s a good enough reason, so I kiss him. 

His mouth opens for me; he tastes like sugar and vodka. It’s sickening. He pushes against me as much as I push against him. I feel his hands slide through my hair, grabbing fistfuls of it, and I may let out a moan. It’s embarrassing, really. I push Snow back so he’s lying on the couch, I’m leaning over him, hand next to his shoulders. We break apart, and I begin to kiss down his neck, nipping at it, and Snow whines. And that does something to me, I start going hard. 

I pull back and separate from him, worried he could feel that too.

Simon’s panting.

“We better now? Come on, let’s go sleep.” I can only nod, I’m still in shock. 

We end up both in his bed, not touching, but that’s okay.

“Night, Baz,” Snow whispers.

“Night.” We fall asleep, with so much left unsaid between us, sleepy from the drinks and lust and confessions.


	12. Realising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon comes to terms with his sexuality  
> It's okay to be attracted to both genders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one's spread out just over a week FYI

SIMON  
I wake up feeling blissfully happy. The sun is shining, and I’ve probably only had a few hours’ sleep but I don’t care.

Until of course I realise why I’m so happy. 

And that the reason I’m so happy is still in my bed. And that person is a guy. The first ever guy I’ve kissed.

Baz is snoring lightly, head tilted away from me, so all I can see is his long dark hair.

Long dark hair that I ran my hands through last night.

And, dammit, kissing him has only made me want to do it again. My plan failed (I should have known, my plans usually do) (I’m the reason Penny and Micah broke up for a while, but I’m not allowed to repeat what happened there)

My failure leaves me with a question that’s been hanging at the back of my mind ever since Baz and I started hanging out.

‘Am I gay?’

And, fuck, it’s all too confusing, I feel my breaths getting shorter. I’m going in to full panic mode, something I used to do when I was younger and alone. The best way to deal with one for me is to go running, so that’s just what I do. Leave Baz to sleep peacefully, and hit the pavement. I run for a solid half hour until I’m worn out, and only one block away from my unit. 

And I decide, I do like Baz, and maybe more than friends. 

But I need more time, to think, about what this means.

I’m worried about what to say to Baz. Does he feel the same? (He said he doesn't date people) Should I be truthful? (I have a fear of being rejected)(That's why it took me two years to ask Agatha out) It makes my head hurt.

I needn’t worry though; when I get back he’s already gone, no note left behind. 

…

I make it three whole days without hearing from anyone. Granted I only ever hear from Pen, or Baz, or maybe Agatha or Miss Possibelf. So it’s not a long list. But I still feel the silence and it makes my chest hurt, though I refuse to do anything about it. Then, Tuesday night, Pen skype calls me. 

“Simon, you look like shit!” She exclaims.

“Gee, thanks,” I mumble.

“Something’s happened. Why didn’t you contact me? You always do this! Everytime something goes wrong, or you get sad, you cut yourself off. I’m always here for you, you know that right?” And shit, she looks worried. I want to tell her off, for reprimanding me, but I try to say something and all I let out is a hiccup, which leads to a sob of sorts.

“Simon, please don’t cry. Just tell me what’s wrong.”

“I don’t know, I just feel… alone.” I manage to say.

“Where’s Baz?”

“Well..” I can’t lie to her, so I tell her a very simplified version of what happened. That we kissed, and now I didn’t know whether I liked girls or guys.

“You can like both, you know. It’s a thing. Being attracted to someone is never black and white.”

“You’re right, I know. But it’s still weird, because it’s the only ever guy I have been attracted to.”

“And he may be the only one. It doesn’t matter, you are still you. Talk to him,” Penny soothes. 

“Thanks, Pen, I needed this. I miss you,” I say. It’s true. Pen isn’t just my best friend; she’s my closest thing to family.

“I miss you too. I’ll be home in two weeks.”

“Good.” And then I say goodnight, and get back to reading for school.  
…

I do mean to contact Baz, but school kinda gets in the way. It’s the weeks leading up to exams; where assignments are piling up with the pile of revision work I’ve got to do. 

Just because I’m not talking about him, doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about him- I do- way too much. Late at night, when I’m trying to sleep, I imagine kissing him, how soft his lips were, and imagine his lips in other places, and suddenly I’m hard and without realising it I’m fondling myself over my underwear. It’s ridiculous. 

It’s clear I’ve come to terms with being attracted to Baz, if I can jerk off whilst thinking about him. On multiple occasions. 

But anyway, all my studying and thinking gets in the way, so I just never get around to actually messaging him (and part of me is scared he wouldn’t reply too). But I don’t have to, because after being at the London library for almost five hours, Baz walks in. I see him before he sees me. When he does finally see me, I feel a shock in my stomach. Because he sure looks a lot better than I do. (My hairs all messed up, unwashed, and eye bags aren’t a good look on anyone) I offer a tentative wave; he nods, and moves to sit on my table (surprisingly)

“Snow.”

“Baz.”

I’m staring at him, pen hovering over my work.

“Please, don’t let me distract you.”

I want to say you’d have to leave the library for that, but I don’t. Instead, I put my headphones back in, Pink Floyd blasting in my ears, and don’t look up until hours later, once my work is all done. 

Baz is still there, reading some heavy looking book. He senses me looking, and looks up.

“I’m all done,” I say, trying to sound nonchalant, but I sense my voice sounds breathy. Dammit.

“I’m almost. Wait for me?” He asks. I nod. He finishes the page then packs up. We walk out of the library in silence.

“I think we need to talk,” Baz says suddenly, turning to me.

“Could we sit down first?” I ask, head pointing to a bench in the park we are now standing in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I kinda implied here that Simon may have some sort of depression, in feelings of being alone- something that's caused by his past. Simon really doesn't handle it correctly though, so I just wanted to say always speak up <3   
> ALSO  
> Maybe not the next chapter, but soon, the story will get way more mature (read: sexual). Just a warning. :)


	13. ;)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz and Snow sort out their 'friendship' boundaries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO LONG OMG  
> I loved writing this sooooo much ugh  
> WARNING Explicit content

BAZ  
I didn’t expect to see Snow in the library. I wasn’t complaining though, his curls were all messy and he looked as tired and pale as I usually do. It makes his moles stand out more on his skin than usual. 

I’ve been avoiding contacting him because I thought that’s what he would have wanted. After I went all depressed on him, and we kissed, and it was really good, but then I woke up and he was gone with no explanation. I thought he was probably freaking out somewhere, so I took it as my cue to leave.

The past week though has made me realise that being friends with Simon Snow is better than nothing at all, which is what I planned to tell him.

I expect him to laugh off our kiss awkwardly, or perhaps not mention it at all.

What I don’t expect though is for him to mention it as soon as we sat down.

“So, I know we kissed..”

“We did,” I murmur, avoiding looking at him in the eyes, afraid I’ll see disgust there.

“And it shouldn’t have to be weird. Friends can kiss if they want,” he says. I’m relieved, he’s not grossed out. 

“That’s true.” It’s silent for a few moments. I speak up again.

“Do you kiss Bunce like that?”

He snorts. “We have before, after I was told I was a bad kisser by Harriet Hemsworth. She wanted to find out. She agreed with Harriet.” 

Now it’s my turn to laugh. “I agree with Penelope.” (I don’t, of course. I just want a reaction) (And also Harriet kinda got around at Watford, I'm not surprised Snow and her snogged)

“Hey!” Simon slaps me playfully on the arm. “I’m not that bad, am I?”

“There’s always room for improvement,” I wiggle my eyebrows at him. That makes Snow swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing down. I watch it, and it makes my stomach tingle. I sense the change in atmosphere, as I draw my eyes up, Snow is looking at me intently, then at my lips. Before it was relaxed, now the air is charged with a current, an attraction of sorts, pulling me closer to Snow. He feels it too, I can tell by the way his eyelids droop and lips part and he begins to move towards me, faces at the same height (My legs are much longer). But Snow is stronger, he pulls back abruptly.

“You up for another round of Fifa?” He asks. I agree, of course.

The train ride and walk back to Snow’s apartment is full of excuses to touch each other. I don’t know if Simon realises this though. As soon as we got up, the air around us was relaxed, I could breathe again. But his hand rests on my back as we step on the train, I ruffle his hair when he says something silly, he punches my arm when I make a sarcastic comment directed at him. To passer-by’s this may just seem friendly. But I’m beginning to feel that the night will take a less-than friendly turn. 

…

We manage half a game of Fifa. It’s slightly awkward, lying so close to eachother, our sides touching. If I turned my head just a few inches we’d end up snogging. And fuck, I want to, but I don’t for the first half.

I give in at the half time break, when I feel Snow’s eyes on me. I turn, slightly, to look at him. There’s the shift in the air again. I’m looking at his lips, parted open, breathing heavily. My heart rate speeds up.

“We can still be friends if we kiss,” Simon whispers, the air from his words tickling my nose. And he looks so scared, like I might laugh at him (which is impossible, I’m incapable of rejected this fool)

My response is to lean in and connect our lips. Tentative at first, but then Snow groans and pulls my head closer to his, deepening it. Snow tastes of coffee and vanilla. I manoeuvre myself so I’m leaning on my side, so does Snow. My arm snakes around his waist, pulling him so our bodies align, pressing against each other. It’s heavenly. 

Snow’s mouth leaves mine, and before I can protest, he kisses down along my jaw and neck, nipping at it occasionally, which makes me sigh. He gets to my collarbone, and sucks, hard, probably leaving a mark. I’ve never let anyone do that before. But I want many more from Snow.

My hand is now underneath his shirt, feeling the hard muscles of his stomach and chest. Without even realising, my hand trails down, to Snow’s light happy trail at the waistband of his jeans. I want to go lower, but don’t want to push this. Because kissing Snow is already better than any late night hook-up I’ve had in the past. 

Simon brings his mouth up to mine again, and I roll my hips into his. Bad mistake, Snow is extremely hard, and I’m halfway there.

He pulls back. “Kissing can be friendly, but well, below the waist action definitely isn’t.” 

I can only manage a shrug in response.

“But, what if we…” I notion at him with my hand to continue. “Well, it’s just, I’ve never seen someone else jerk off before. Is there a technique to it? I’m kinda curious, and well, we both apparently need to be taken care off.”

Is he suggesting we masturbate in front of each other? The only way to find out what Snow means is to ask upfront, so I do.

“Well, if you want to.” I do. I so do.

“Okay,” I say.

“Well, uh, okay then.” He moves back from me, and I already miss him being pressed against me. He begins to pull down his jeans, leaving him in his briefs, which are already damp. I smirk at that.

“Whatever,” Snow grumbles, his smile giving him away.

“You going to strip to?” I’ve been staring at him this whole time. I take off my shirt first. 

I think it might be my imagination, but Simon’s breath hitches when I do. 

My jeans come off next, leaving me in my Calvin’s. Snow’s still got his top on.

“You’ve got to be fully naked,” I say, totally not because I want to see that. 

He doesn’t question me though, and does as such. It’s even better than that first night I came over. 

“So, are we doing this at the same time, or…”

“Same time I think.” Snow nods his head in agreement. 

I slide down my underwear at the same time. Simon’s dick rests against his stomach. He begins to stroke himself. I do the same, for a while, gentle, languid strokes, cupping my balls with my other hand.

Snow’s technique is messy, of course. No set pace. 

Then I realise I’m watching Snow jerk off, and that he’s naked in front of me, and I’ve literally dreamt about this moment, and suddenly I’m not so smooth anymore, my hand is pumping fast, head tilted back, the image of naked Simon in my mind. My mouth forms an O, and I groan, the image of Snow making me come stronger than I have in a long time. His sheets are a mess, and my stomach, but I don’t care. That felt amazing. On my way down from the orgasm, I hear Snow, he’s all huffy in the lead up, and goes completely silent when he comes. Funny, I expected him to be loud. 

After a few moments, he opens his eyes again. 

“That was educational. I never thought to grab my balls like that.”

I laugh. “You’re technique is shit.”

“Probably, but whatever works. Let’s clean up.” He goes and gets a washcloth, and we wipe down and get changed, my dick twitching when Simon bends over away from me, exposing his ass. (He has a perfect ass)

Later, fully dressed and lying back on Snow’s newly made bed, he whispers to me in the darkness.

“What do you think about to make you come so hard?” We are clearly asking the important questions at three in the morning.

‘You,’ I think, but can’t say it. I don’t want to ruin this weird friendship where kissing and jerking off in front of each other is allowed. I want to do this again; it’s a much better outcome than what I imagined. 

So I go with “I pretend it’s someone else’s hand.” It’s vague, and he doesn’t need to know that someone else’s hand is him. 

“I think of grinding against someone. I love doing that.” So do I, actually, I can’t fault him there.

“That was fun.”

“It was. I like being your friend.”

“You do ok.” I feel him grin at that, it’s probably the nicest thing I’ve said to him ever.

“Hey Baz?”

“Mmm?” I’m very sleepy now- sex usually does that.

“Spooning can be friendly, can’t it?” 

I grin. “Only if I’m the big spoon.”

“Deal.” He scoots in closer, so my mouth is in his hair, and dick against his ass, but I’m too tired to care (I’ll think about it plenty tomorrow though)

“G’night.” 

I kiss his hair, and flinch, worried he may say something. He doesn’t. 

“Night Snow.” We sleep, past the sun coming up, halfway into the day, never moving from our position.


	14. Super short lead up to next point of conflict

SNOW  
The friend with kissing/jacking off at the same time is a system that surprisingly works well. Baz and I do are on thing in the day, uni or work, then at night Baz comes over (his Aunt is home at the moment, and she doesn’t questions Baz’s disappearing act) and we will eat dinner, maybe watch a movie, but then I’ll kiss Baz’s neck and suddenly whatever we were doing is abandoned. It’s always me to initiate something, Baz never does. I like the control though, deciding the boundaries in our weird friendship. 

Of course after kissing for a while we end up pants down, jerking off. Tonight is no different. Usually, I don’t watch Baz do it, but tonight I do. 

I have a sudden urge to know what touching another dick feels like. Also, Baz pulls some interesting faces when he really gets going- it’s so different to his usual cool demeanour. 

I want to make him pull such faces.

I stop stroking myself, and just stare at the way his hands slide over his girth. He’s really talented- if there’s such a thing as being talented at masturbating. 

After a few moments he notices me watching, and smirks.

“What’s the problem, Snow?”

I hesitate for a few moments, swallowing the lump caught in my throat so I can speak. Baz mutters a very quiet ‘fuck.’

“I’m just… curious. What does another male organ feel like?”

He scoffs at that. “You want to touch me?” 

I begin to roll my eyes, but then stop. “Yeah, I do want to touch you.” Now Baz looks nervous.

“By all means.” 

So I do. I reach over and wrap my hand around him. It’s strange, because I know what it feels like having a hand run down your dick, and I have my hand on one but I don’t feel the sensation. Baz also feels different to me; colder, and the veins are much more prominent. It’s strange, but not unpleasant.

Baz begins to moan. I move faster, my other hand moves to cup his balls. 

I’m determined to make him come as quickly as possible.

It takes another few strokes and he does, shooting into my hand. I wipe my messy hand over my chest, an effective cleaning method for now. I didn’t realise doing so would make Baz whimper, and reach out to grab my still embarrassingly hard self. 

He starts stroking me and I shudder.

“Don’t ever stop,” I moan. (I’m much louder than Baz in this situation)(Actually I am in all situations)

His pace picks up and I’m gone in a matter of seconds, undone by his long hands which grip me just enough.

I’m coming down from what was one of my best orgasms ever when I hear a creaking sound from the entrance of my apartment.

“SURPRISE!” I hear a shout. A voice I haven't heard for a while, but one I'd always recognise. Penny.

Penny's here, and Baz and I are naked in my bed. We reek of sex. 

Fuck. We are so screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will definitely make next one longerrrrrr- I just couldn't find a way to move the story along without this mini chapter   
> Sorry been so busy lately!


	15. Chapter 15

SIMON  
Penny. Back one week early.

And Baz and I are still naked. In my bed. And we are very dirty.

“Shit, get dressed,” I hiss at him.

He doesn’t respond, just jumps up, grabs his clothes and runs into the bathroom that is attached to my bedroom.

I’m very grateful for that right now. 

 

I just manage to pull my sweater on when Penny barges in, without knocking, of course.

“Simon!” she basically screams, rushing over to me and giving me a hug. Which kinda feels like I’m being suffocated, she’s squeezing so tight. Also I'm still dirty from post-sex with Baz, so I don't hug her back.

I’m still in shock though. And confused.

“Weren’t you meant to still be there for another week?”

“Well, yeah, but Micah surprised me- he came back with me!” I notice him now, leaning against the door frame, looking slightly awkward and bemused at the same time. It’s a weird mix.

“You look so flustered! What’s up?” She eyes me suspiciously.

“Err… it was an intense game of Fifa- Baz lost actually. He’s in the bathroom now sobbing I bet,” the lie falls smoothly off my tongue.

“Ha ha ha! Baz get out here you sore loser,” Penny basically shouts. It must be the jet lag making her act so loony. She would never had said such a thing to Baz back at Watford. 

Baz makes his entrance, hair now smooth again. I like it more when it’s messed up.

“Snow failed to tell you he lost three times before that game though,” he says, going on with the lie.

“Micah,” Baz reaches a hand out to shake, his manners much better than mine. Although I can’t really shake hands, because they’re still sticky with come. Something I decide to go fix, right then, making my escape for the toilet. 

When I come back out fresh, they’ve migrated to the couch. Pen’s in the middle of some story about how they got lost in Washington D.C. She’s telling the story with too many hand gestures and way too loudly. It’s weird.

“That sounds great, Bunce. It’s getting late, though. I best be off. Bye, Micah, Snow.” He says, nodding at me.

“I’ll walk you out,” I say.

“She’s not meant to be back for another week dammit,” I whisper near the door.

“She’s your bestfriend, it’s fine. Besides, Aunt Fiona leaves in a week and a half.”

“Yeah? Good, we can hang out at yours then.” Baz looks genuinely pleased at that, he smiles with his teeth.

“Sweet. Well, bye Simon,” he says, running a hand through my hair, which feels really good. But then he stops, realising that is a potential cross over our unspoken friendship agreement. 

I don’t deem it is though- because it feels so fucking nice. I lean in to his touch, and see him visibly relax.

“Catch ya on the flip side, Pitch,” I punch his arm, reinforcing our friend status, and let him out.

Baz scoffs at me when he leaves.

Back in the loungeroom, penny and Micah are making out on the armchair. Which is made for one person. So Pen is all over his lap. I didn’t ever need to see this.  
I clear my throat. “So, I think I’l lgo sleep now. I’ll leave you to it.”

Penny doesn’t even bother to break apart, just gives me a thumbs up.

I have such a lovely best friend.

In my bed, I text Baz.

‘Pen and Micah r already making out on the armchair. I did not sign up for this.’

‘Aww poor baby.’

‘Fuck you.’

‘Fuck you too.’

I drift off totally not thinking about Baz and fuck in the same sentence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowww zomg over 2000 hits :))))))))  
> chapters may be coming less because you know life and stuff but i'll not leave it hanging i promise!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lets play some poker!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WILL finish this fic. I swear. Life and stuff just get in the way sometimes

SIMON  
The next few days are spent wisely by myself at least. I spend all my time with my face in books (there’s way to much reading in my course) and generally catching up on studies I may have ignored a little ( read plenty) when I had the apartment to myself and Baz could come over whenever…

… Baz, who I have only heard from a few times. A brief text, here and there.

 

‘I just ate the worst curry in the history of curries. Never trusting street food again.’(Baz)

 

‘Of course the bus is late when it’s raining :() (Me)

 

I’m also avoiding the apartment as much as possible. Because Penny and Micah seem to never leave, although when I’m home I hear stories of their outings, so I’m not too certain when they actually go out. And well, I love Penny, but her presence at the moment gives me a headache. She’s too much, laughing too loudly, talking too obnoxiously, engaging in way too much PDA. It’s like she’s putting on a show.

I don’t get why.

I walk through the door after a solid 10 hour day at the library. All I want to do is eat everything in the fridge and pass out. But of course, Penny and Micah are home.

“SIMON!” Penny shouts, even though she’s literally three meters away. I do my best not to wince.

“Surprise! Go get changed, people are coming over. It’s poker night!”

I stare at her, mouth agape. 

“Fuck, really? I just want to sleep.” I feel myself tensing up, annoyed.

She gives me a punch on the shoulder, which actually kinda hurts. 

“Lighten up! You work too hard.” I think my shoulder is going to bruise.

“Really? Says the girl who-“

“Who loves to be surrounded by her friends!” Penny cuts me off. I’m too tired to argue how that’s totally not what I was going to say.

I was going to say how rich that was coming from the girl who studied like a Trojan horse at Watford, even in first year. Who was the second smartest student in our year. 

Who is the most studios person I know.

And also has never shown any interest in poker. I voice that now.

“I played it in America! Micah loves it, so I thought why not make a night out of it!”

“It’s ok. You don’t have to join, Simon. I have soundproof headphones I brought for the plane you could borrow,” Micah pipes up from the couch. I hadn’t even noticed him there. He looks slightly uncomfortable.

“He has to play. Now hurry along, get changed. People are arriving in 10!”

I sigh and begrudgingly move to my room to do so.

As I do, I think ‘where has the old Penny gone?’ Because this Penny here isn’t the Penny who left for America. 

What the hell happened over there?

BAZ

I got a text earlier in the day from an unsaved number.

‘Poker night, tonight @ mine. Be there or else! :)’

‘Sorry, who is this?’

‘Penelope, save my number BASILTON’

I was genuinely surprised at Bunce’s invitation. Because she used to dislike my ability to beat her at school. 

And also the fact that we only ever see each other at a social gathering, which has actually only been once since school finished. 

But I don’t hesitate in my decision to go, because I’m weak, and Snow lives there so he should be home. And I haven’t seen him in what feels like forever, and although we won’t be able to get up to our usual night activities (ahem) seeing him still means as much to me. 

I’ve got it so bad for him.

I arrive on time, punctual as usual. (Being early would seem to desperate) Bunce answers the door, wearing a very low cut sparkly top revealing stuff I never intended on seeing.

“Basilton, come in,” she prompts. I take my coat off and step inside, eyes roaming the room for Baz. Only one other person is here, Rhys I think his name is. His eyes leave his phone screen for a second to glance up at me, and nod, before looking down again. 

“Rhys, put that thing away,” Penny moans loudly. (I was right about the name of course) He grumbles but does so.

“Simon is still in his room. I’ve got to help Micah in the kitchen, go check on him please?” She asks. It’s a harmless question, but I see the glint in her eyes. She can tell there’s something up between us, I know. But I remain stoic.

“Sure thing.”

I find Snow fast asleep half on his bed. His head is turned to the side, and his mouth is perched open in a way that makes me falter. His feet are somehow still on the floor though. It doesn’t look comfortable. 

I sit down on the bed, and gently shake his shoulder.

“Snow, wake up, your guests are here.”   
I hear a slight groan escape his annoyingly perfect mouth. But then his eyelashes flutter open.

“Baz,” he whispers.

“Yes?” I whisper. His response is to use my arm to pull himself up, before he pulls me down on top of him. I do my best not to moan. (It fails)

“Mmmm I’ve missed you,” he says, still very groggy. I’m not sure if he’s aware of what he’s saying. Or how his hands are rubbing my back and sides which feels so good. One of his hands creeps around and under my shirt to touch my stomach, and I shudder. But still pull back, because people are arriving and we are meant to be out there.

“Snow, seriously wake up.”

“I am awake. But I’d bet I’d be more awake if you’d kiss me.” So I do, because I am incapable of refusing Snow.

I melt into the kiss. It feels like forever since we did this. And Snow never hesitated, he seems relaxed, unlike other times.

“We really need to get out there,” I whisper as his mouth moves to where my groove at my collarbone, leaving a mark with his teeth. Luckily my shirt covers it.

“Ugh, fine.” And just like that I’m shoved gently to the side as Snow gets up. 

“I’ve got to get changed, tell Pen I’m almost ready.” He won’t look at me as he says this.

“Fine,” I say curtly. Two can play that game. (even though our whole relationship has felt like one massive game so far) I tuck my longer hair behind my ears and enter back out to where many more people are now standing about. Agatha included. She’s holding hands with Gareth, which is definitely new. She was dating some Oxford lad at her birthday. Before I can warn Simon about this, Bunce swoops in to get me help set the table. The discussion around me shifts to the game, and someone suggests we make it strip poker. With drinks flowing, everyone readily agrees (I stay silent.)

Tonight suddenly got more interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welllllllllll next chapter will be super interesting, and pumped to write this one


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 1/2- next part will be up asap

SNOW  
I come back out to the group to discover poker night has become strip poker night. 

I’m not impressed.

And I’m pretty sure Penny planned this, judging by the printed sheets of the rules she has handed out.

1\. The game is like normal poker, but there is no amount to be betted, only your clothes ;)  
2\. Folding in a round results in an automatic loss so don’t do it unless you have no chance  
3\. The person with the lowest hand must remove one item of clothing. If this takes too long then it will become everyone but the winner  
4\. Stripping to underwear only

“Let’s make it once you are in your underwear and you lose you get a truth or dare question,” Gareth suggests, and everyone agrees. 

Gareth, who is holding hands with Agatha. What the actual?

I try not to get angry. But what ever happened to bros before hoes? Making a scene isn’t my style though.

And I’m not jealous, I just feel betrayed. They could have told me. (Though I swear Agatha was in a serious relationship with some guy last week)(Although she did try to make a move on Baz like a week after we broke up)

“So,” I say to them. “You’re a couple now.”

“I guess,” Agatha says, looking bored. 

“We were fuck buddies before, but we are totally official now. Except on Facebook, though.”Gareth has a tendency to overshare details of his personal life. Agatha doesn’t even flinch at that.

“Right, well, best of luck.” I feel like they will need it.

I go to sit down on the couch, but Penny’s herding us around the cramped dining-turned poker table. 

I end up sitting right opposite Baz. He’s smirking at me. The little shit. I can’t, won’t, make eye contact, because I feel awkward. As when I woke up from my nap, not alert and thinking with my dick, I wanted nothing more than to get freaky in the bed.

And by get freaky I mean get naked. Obviously. 

But then I fully woke up, and realised how hard I was from kissing a bloke, and I had to stop that right there and then. And so now I feel awkward.

Because I’m attracted to Baz on some level, and I’m scared to find out how deeply I am. 

BAZ

I make sure I’m sitting opposite Snow, but not in a way that makes it obvious to everyone. (It helps when you naturally have a cool demeanour.)

But he won’t look at me. I try to smile at him, but I think it probably looks like a smirk, so I stop. He still is avoiding me, and I know he must be able to feel my eyes watching him.

I can’t help but think about Snow, and what I did wrong, for him to be so closed off suddenly.

My mind keeps coming up blank. 

The game begins, and I’m so focused on thinking about it that I lose the first round.

I’m now down a sock.

After that, I focus again. The game is actually pretty fun, and Aunt Fiona had taught me to play when I was younger, so I don’t lose again. Penny’s lost her cardigan; Gareth is down to his undershirt and pants, Rhys (I think his name is) argued his glasses and earring counted. Snow, Agatha, and Micah are all down their socks and jackets. Snow sits there sipping his drink, eyes everywhere but my direction. 

“Okay, this game is too slow, except for Gareth who is shocking. Whoever wins the round stays clothes, everyone else has to strip.” No one argues. I think everyone is too scared to. Bunce can get quite aggravated whilst drinking if someone provokes her. 

I win the first round. Then Penny. Then Gareth manages a win. And then Micah manages a royal flush. 

By then everyone but Bunce and myself are in there underclothes. Snow’s wearing a singlet that says ‘G’day Mate.’

I wonder who went to Australia and brought that back for him. 

By the time I’m down to my briefs and undershirt, Gareth’s answered only a bunch of truth questions (all very very sexually based questions)(scarring material)

Agatha’s had to run outside in her underwear, and Snow has drunk an egg/hot sauce/milk combination. 

That was very enjoyable to watch, actually. He scrunched up his nose and shook his curls a lot.

I lose the next round, again. I blame the steady flow of drinks. 

I get the option to lose another item of clothing, or get a question. Everyone still has a shirt on, the wusses. 

I opt for the loss of clothing, so I’m left in my boxers. 

“Wow, Baz! Check out those abs! When the hell did that happen!” Penny squeals, hoping for a reaction. 

I don’t give her one, of course. I’m glad she noticed. Snow definitely never did. And the whole reason I do sit ups religiously is to help me pull. Well, was to. It was definitely helpful back when I was inexperienced and confused as to how to approach the gay dating world. 

Snow suddenly looks uncomfortable, like he’s about to vomit. His eyes linger on my chest, then dart away quickly. I start to giggle- it’s funny seeing him squirm in my opinion- this late at night.

“Let’s take a break,” he blurts. Apparently that’s a cue for the couples to start making out at the table. Gross.

Snow gets up and heads in the direction of the bathroom. That leaves just who I have decided is definitely Rhys and myself sitting on the table. He’s fiddling with his pants, and whips out his phone….

….I think he’s taking a dick pic. What the fuck is wrong with these people?

I decide to go check on Snow, he did look a tad sick. And also I need an excuse to get away from whatever is going on at that table.

The bathroom door is shut.

“Snow,” I say as I draw in a breath, because apparently I can go from giggly to tender in 2.5 seconds.

The door creaks open.

“Not you,” Simon whines, but he lets me in anyway. I count that as a win- it’s the first thing he’s said to me since I was in his bedroom hours ago.

“Are you ok? You looked like you were going to be….” I trail off; because I notice Simon is extremely hard down there. He’s leaking a bit through his briefs too. 

“I think I’m fine now,” he swallows, Adams apple bobbing, and I definitely do not regret my decision to come help him. Also by the way he is now looking at me I think our unknown previous issue has been resolved.

Although I think I will be helping him in a different way than previously expected.

Snow rolls his pants down, releasing himself. And I’m drunk, not thinking clearly. 

“Can I take you? In my mouth?” I whisper. I’ve wanted to for so long, to taste Simon Snow, to control him with my tongue. 

I see he wants it too, the way his eyes flash, hands blindly grabbing at my head to push my face down. 

I think I like the idea behind strip poker now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehehe a sex cliffhanger


	18. Chapter 18

SNOW   
The need for Baz’s mouth to be around my dick suddenly intensifies when he asks to do so. I had thought about it before- well tried not to.

Seeing Baz shirtless properly in the light for the first time made me squirm in my seat. I didn’t know what to think. By the time I got to the bathroom I realised a certain part of me definitely knew what to think. 

For a moment there I panicked. What did this mean? About me? I’d never reacted in such a way before, not even the one time when I entered Agatha’s room to find her on the bed posing seductively in leopard print underwear. (Thinking back on it now it was a slightly weird set up, probably why I wasn’t really turned on)

I was planning on, well, I’m not entirely sure what I was planning on doing. I just needed to escape, shout out my frustration, maybe punch the tiled wall. But then Baz, fucking Baz, with his black silky hair and intense grey eyes came in, acting concerned, but as soon as he really saw me that concern went away, and I could see the want in his eyes.

I can’t deny it any longer. I like like Baz.

At first he just stares at me down there, like he’s deciding how to proceed. Then, like magic, in one big swoop he takes me completely in his mouth.

“Holy fucking shit,” I hiss. So this is what a real blow job feels like. 

From someone who knows what they’re doing. 

He bobs up and down for a few minutes, and I don’t think I can last much longer, but then he looks up at me with his steel grey eyes beneath his lashes whilst licking (!) up the underside of my cock and I’m done for. Without warning I come into his mouth. 

He doesn’t seem to mind though. He takes everything. 

“Ohmygodthatwasamazing,” I whisper in one breath.

Baz grins up at me wickedly. “It’s an easy task. I know what feels good.” 

That makes sense. A guy would know how to give a better blowjob as he has a dick too. 

“I- err- should get cleaned up,” I say whilst pulling my underwear up, ruining the post-sex vibe. Baz’s face falls. 

“Snow, I really think we should-“

“But they might be wondering where we both are!” I cut him off. Fuck, what if they are wondering? Do they all suspect something is going on between us? What would they think? It’s too much. My heart rate rockets up, breathing becomes difficult.

BAZ

Lucky I stayed in the bathroom to try and get a word in. Snow’s having a panic attack. I remember he got one at school once…

…It was the final year exams, to get into University. The night before the French exam. Snow had always struggled with French. My childhood summers were often spent in France, so I was practically fluent. I didn’t even need to study, but I was in our room anyway, triple checking I knew every last word on the syllabus.

Snow however wouldn’t stop pacing, muttering basic French verbs under his breath. 

I’d known by this point that I was very attracted to Snow. But that didn’t mean I didn’t find his pacing and muttering annoying.

“Cut it out Snow,” I grumbled, not looking up.

But I heard him stop.

“I can’t,” he spoke softly. “This is the only way I can remember stuff.”

“Incessantly repeating it?”

“Basically. And usually I have Penny to help me but she doesn’t do French and I find French so difficult it’s my worst subject and I’m scared I’ll walk in there tomorrow and forget everything and I need to do well in this if I want to do law.” Snow rambled on for a few minutes, while I thought about how I obviously didn’t have enough spite in my voice to get him to be quiet. His voice got louder and louder, breathing more ragged as he continued his verbal rant on his worries. Then it stopped.

And that’s when I turned around to find Simon standing there, shaking, mouth opening and closing but not breathing.

I then quickly stood up, grasping his shoulder, looking into his eyes which seemed vacant. 

“Simon, breathe. Breathe, Snow. It’s ok. Everything’s all right. Just deep breathe in, deep breathe out.” (I wasn’t and still aren’t very good at comforting people.)  
He eventually did, eyes returning slowly to their normal gleam, and he slightly stumbled to move to sitting on the floor. I followed too. 

For a few minutes I watched him as he got his breathing back to normal. As he went from being a shell of his self to his usual lively being. I also kept my arm on his shoulder the whole time.

“What was that?” I whispered.

“Why do you care,” Snow muttered, eyes glistening with potential tears.

“Well, you’re my roommate and I tolerate you. Also I want to make sure we don’t need any medical assistance, I don’t want to deal with a grumpy Mr Ashforth.” (Our dorm guardian)

Snow managed a snort of a laugh. “Ok. It was a panic attack. I think. I used to have them when I was younger mainly. I guess I just got too stressed out. Fucking French.”

“You’ll be fine. Your verbs were all correct. Get some sleep yeah?”

“Yeah, I think I will. Thanks, Baz,” Snow reached out and squeezed my leg above my knee.

I lifted my hand off his shoulder. “Thank me by never pacing around when I’m trying to study again.”

Later that night, after I turned out the lights, Snow whispered “You know Baz, you aren’t really as mean as you pretend to be.”

I scoffed. “Yeah, whatever Snow. Night.”

His breathing hitched with laughter. “Night.”...

… This time I know how to deal with Snow like this. I hold his shoulder. Tell him everything’s going to be all right, no one knows, it’s no big deal. I do so until he calms down again. And this time instead of squeezing my leg in thanks, he pulls me close for a hug, whispers “Thank you” in my ear, then abruptly exists the bathroom via the door that leads to his bedroom.

“Could you tell them I’ve gone to bed?,” he calls from the other room.

“Um, yeah, ok,” I reply. 

I really should learn when to say no to him, because whatever game of mixed signals he is playing here is getting exhausting.

But knowing what I should do and actually doing it are sadly two very different things.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mini interlude chapter for y'all  
> Verrrry mini it barely constitutes as a chapter but I needed this done so I can focus on the next plot part. Have some biiiiiig ideas for it.

BAZ  
I announce to everyone Simon’s gone to bed, then head home. (No one even pays attention anyway; I think there will be some nasty hangovers tomorrow.)

On my way home I’m thinking about how the night played out; the stripping, Snow being uncomfortable, Snow’s dick, his taste… definitely inappropriate thoughts to be having in public. But it’s late; no one is around to see me shift my jeans at the front. 

I refuse to think about what happened after, right now I just want to think of the good. 

Because I don’t know how much longer I can let this go on without saying something. And when I do eventually ask Snow, he will run. I know he will.

I’m still thinking about Snow’s moans as my tongue swirled around the tip of him when my phone calls. 

It’s my father. At midnight on a weekday. I instantly worry.

“Father?” I answer with, in my reserved manner I use when talking to him.

“Basilton. Is Mordelia with you?”

“No. Why would she be?”

“She’s run away.”

I instantly go cold. 

SNOW  
The night didn’t go as I expected. (I expected Baz and I to go back to just being normal friends. Or at least hoped that, to uncomplicate stuff.)

What happened was so much better, but so much worse. 

It’s made things more awkward for us now. Even more goes unspoken.

It sure was the best blowjob I’ve ever received though. 

What wasn’t the best feeling was the feeling that followed the freak out.

The freak out caused by a simple thought I had post orgasm, ‘Wouldn’t it be nice to wake up to this every morning?’

Thus leading to the first actual romantic feelings I’ve had towards someone since Agatha. And it’s a guy. Even though I’ve never been attracted to guys before.

It almost made it worse, Baz comforting me, because it was so nice having his arm around me. 

I had to push him away for the second time that night, to think. Ponder over what the fuck I’m going to do when I eventually man up and stop acting like a douche.

But how many times can you push someone away?

BAZ  
I run the rest of the way to my flat. Turns out Mord’s been missing since last Thursday, four whole days. She disappeared in the night at Watford.

And my father only bothered to contact me now.

I try calling her phone, futile I know, but it goes to voicemail. 

Where the hell could she have gone?

Guilt consumes me, and when I eventually stumble into my flat I take deep heavy breaths. Mordelia isn’t suited to boarding school. She’s only fourteen, and a dreamer. Likes poetry and art, not the maths and science Watford is so strong in.

And I remember now, last time I was home in April, Mord saying briefly how she hadn’t made many friends. She did now I think about it seem less of her usual bubbly self. 

Mord has always been my favourite sibling. She’s the oldest, followed by the twins Valerie and Octavia, then my baby brother Frederick. The age gap has always been too big with the younger three. 

Reflecting back on how I should have noticed these subtle changes in her personality only makes me feel worse.

I think of instead being mad at my father, for not telling me all this. For not helping Mordelia, to force her to feel so alone she has run away from school.   
In the morning I decide uni can wait. I’m heading home for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting as much, have so many assignments rn :( (Wish i could just drop it like Baz does)


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring: angsty Simon, a flashback, naughty twin behaviour, shady Malcolm, and yeah that's about it :)

SNOW  
You know you’ve fucked up with someone when they go completely silent on you. No messages, calls, snapchats. 

I’ve not heard one word from Baz in three days. 

I could have tried to message him. But I’m too scared to. I’m a coward, always have been, even when I had the world telling me how brave I was… 

… “Snow… Simon,” the lady at the counter had called out, hesitating at my unusual last name. It was a new lady, again, evidently. The receptionist was always changing. 

I stood up, smoothed down my itchy shirt my most last foster mother, Helen, had bought me. She was a kind lady, older, but had gotten quite unwell. Which is why I had ended up at the home again.

“Simon!” My social worker (he liked me to call him Justin) beamed at me from the hallway. 

“Come on in. Simon, this is David Mager, he’s the principal of Watford Private Academy.”

“Good afternoon Mr Mager,” I had replied. I kept my eyes on him, filled with distrust I always had for the adults Justin introduced me to regularly. 

And it wasn’t like I knew what Watford was back then, I had been to so many poor public schools prestigious ones never crossed my mind. 

“Now Simon, I’m here to talk to you about our school. You are almost thirteen right?” I nodded. “Excellent. Just in time for our first year of boarding. You see, Simon, this year is the first year we offer a complete paid scholarship to a child who wouldn’t have had the opportunity otherwise, funded by other student’s fees. We’ve collected different student’s information from a range of places, and have narrowed it down to 10 selections, you being one of them.” 

I remember thinking the whole time while Mr Mager explained the scholarship to me that they’d got the wrong person. I wasn’t special enough to earn something like this.

“You’re reports caught my attention though Simon. You have excellent grades, keep to yourself for the most in the classroom, but all the teachers agree you’re a natural leader. The other children listen to you.”(They really didn’t, except for a soccer match) 

“..Are you sure”- I started.

“Next weekend we will have a tour of the school plus a little test. But ultimately it’s up to you. I believe you have a strong chance at this. I was drawn to your file.”

“It’s true,” Justin jumped in, “Yours was the only one he opened. It was like magic.”

I was overwhelmed, and agreed to trying out for the scholarship. I sat the test, toured the school, mouth hanging open the whole time in awe of the place. It was like a whole other world, and I wanted to be a part of it. To belong.

I was chosen the next day. 

Mr Mager- “Call me Davy”- became my guide, for the first two years, until he got swamped down with work.

I didn’t see him much, but I knew he still supported me. Saw me doing great things in my future..

…If only that were true. What use is potential if you can’t figure out how to use it?

BAZ

I make it home in only two hours- the trip usually takes three and a half. But the roads are quiet in the middle of the night.

No one is around when I slip in through the kitchen, and promptly fall asleep, exhausted, in my old ridiculous bed.

I awake around lunch time, still slightly groggy. I’m slowly registering the events of yesterday in my mind when I walk into the kitchen and see one of the twins drawing stick figures in permanent marker on the expensive wallpaper.

“Shit,” I mumble. “Valerie! Stop.”

“I’m not Valerie!” She basically shouts at me.

I sigh. “Fine, Octavia, stop now, or father will kill you.”

“You aren’t the boss. You’re just a big baby.”

I remember why I never really liked either of the twins. They are fucking annoying. 

“You know what, I don’t even care. Where are the adults?”

“Mummy’s crying in her room again, daddy’s in his office and I’m not allowed in, and Nancy is cleaning spiders out of her hair.”

Jesus. Nancy must be the new nanny. What the hell are these kids up to, at only 8? The way she states this with zero emotion as well is slightly concerning. (Although I was the exact same as a kid.)

“Valerie!” I hear a screech.

“In here Octavia!” 

I’ve been duped. Typical rascal twin behaviour.

When Octavia comes into the room, scissors in one hand, barbie doll in the other, I use my best stern voice.

“You two stay in here. I’m going to go find father.” They just giggle, but don’t run off. I take it as a win.

I find Malcolm, my father, pacing between his desk and bookshelf.

“Basilton? When did you get home?”

“Late last night. Father, why didn’t you tell me Mord was missing sooner?” I stay cool, getting angry with my father will only make things countless times worse. But at the same time I see no need for small talk.

“We had to be certain she was missing. You know what people are like, vultures when it comes to gossip. I wanted to protect you.”

“Protect me? You just wanted to protect yourself, you know Mordelia isn’t suited to boarding school, or school in general.”

“All of my children will receive an education at Watford. Just as your mother would have wanted.”

It’s a low blow bringing up my mother, he only ever does in situations where he’s trying to get me to feel bad.

“It’s irrelevant now. Mord is more important. We need to find her.”

“We will. We hired a private investigator. Mord just doesn’t want to be found.”

“How are you so nonchalant about this?”

“It’s just some teenage rebellion.”

“Then why did you call me in the middle of the night?”

“I didn’t realise the time.”

I know he’s hiding other stuff, but right now I don’t have the stamina to try and get him to be honest.

“I’d like to speak with said investigator. Also, go comfort Daphne. Valerie told me she’s crying. Also, you might want to hire a new nanny.” And with that I walk out the door.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have not given up! Life is just hectic.  
> Thanks for all the support :) nearing the end soon! <3

SNOW  
Another day passes by, still feeling like a coward. It’s starting to be a common theme in my life.

I come home to find Penny sitting on the couch, stoic expression on her face.

“Where’s Micah?” I hesitantly ask. 

Penny continues to stare at the blank television screen.

“Penny?”

Still no response.

“God dammit, Penelope Bunce!” I raise my voice ever so slightly. That gets her attention, finally.

“Simon,” she smiles sadly at me.

“What’s up?”

“Micah’s sleeping, I was just thinking? What’s the time?”

I look at my watch. “Quarter to six.”

“Fuck, I had reservations for 6 in London! Shit shit shit.” She begins a random babble of sentences that I can’t keep up with.

“Penny, slow down.” I grab her shoulders. “It’s ok. If Micah’s still asleep he probably needed it. And clearly you need to relax too. I swear ever since you got back you have not stopped.”

Pen’s eyes start to well up. “You don’t get it, Si. When I was on exchange, I didn’t care about my grades because they didn’t matter. I reinvented myself into this wild, carefree party girl. That’s the girl Micah likes. Not the smart, nerdy, watch Doctor Who repeats on a Friday night girl I am with you. Am here. I’m scared, Si. I’ve got to be that loud fun girl all the time.”

I pull her closer to me. “Penny, you’re the funnest person I know.”

She giggles. “It’s most fun.”

“See? Where would I be without you to correct me? Penny, you don’t need to be crazy busy to have fun with your boyfriend. He’s the person you should be most yourself with, because he is the one you may well love and spend the rest of your life with. If you keep this up you’re lying to him and yourself.”

“Wow, Simon, that was actually kind of smart. Quite harsh, but true.”

We hug it out for a few more moments.

“Just relax, okay? Honesty is the best policy.”

“Why don’t you live by your own words?” I hear her mumble under her breath.

“Wait, what?” I pull back to look her in the eyes.

“Don’t give me that, I see the way you look at Baz, how he looks at you…. Don’t be afraid.” 

I look down at the floor. “This talk was supposed to be helping you.”

“Ha, too bad. I promise I’ll talk to Micah. And Si?” 

“Yeah,” I mumble, eyes still turned to the floor.

“I just want you to be happy. And if he makes you happy, then do something. Don’t wait.” 

“Yeah, thanks,” I say as I head towards my room.

….  
Later, I hear Micah wake up, and Penny talk to him.

“I think tonight, we should just stay home. Maybe watch some doctor who, eat leftovers?” 

“Sounds amazing. I missed just you and I hanging out, relaxing. I feel so drained with all this socialising you got me doing.”

“Ha, sorry about that. I promise we can tone it down a bit. I just wanted you to have fun here, like we did back in school.”

“Pen, I have fun just with you. I don’t need to be out to have fun.”

“I know that now. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

It was sickeningly sweet and cute and very annoying.

Pen was right but, I think, as I ponder over how to tackle my abstract.

I do deserve to be happy, dammit. 

And I never thought I’d say this, but Basilton Grimm-Pitch makes me happy.

And he deserves to know this. In person. Like, now.

And before I can doubt myself, I grab my keys and head out.  
…  
It doesn’t take long to get to Baz’s when you take the tube. When I arrive, it looks like no one’s been home for a while. No lights are on, and the bins haven’t gone out. Which is all very strange as Baz wouldn’t leave during university.

I’m just about to call him when a girl in a red coat appears from the side of the flat.

“Who are you? What do you think you’re doing?” I ask her. She cant be much older than 14.

“I’m just looking for the guy who lives here. Basilton. Who are you? Wait- you’re that Snow boy.”

And then I see the dark hair, pale skin, but softer features than Baz. It must be one of his siblings.

“Mordelia, right?”

“The one and only. Since when were you and my brother friends?”

“Uhh, a while, but I don’t know where he is. I’m going to call him.”

I get out my phone, and turn to pace down the street as I listen to the dial tone.

“Snow, I didn’t expect-“

“Baz!” I cut him off. “Where are you? I’m at your house with your sister!”

But when I turn around she's not standing there anymore. 

I do however, see a flash of red disappear round the corner of the street. And my instinct tells me to follow her. So I hang up and run.

Baz has waited so long to hear from me, he can manage a few more hours


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got around to another chapter. A special someone irl has kept me preoccupied from writing about my loves but there will always be time for SnowBaz <3

BAZ  
“Snow, are you sure it’s Mordelia? Long black hair, pale skin-“ I begin calmly.

“-Yeah I’m not…” 

Snow hung up. On me. God dammit. 

But considering this is the most information I’ve received so far, perhaps my visit home will be much shorter lived then I previously thought.

SIMON

I take off running in what direction I think she went after hanging up on Baz. 

I’m pretty sure he won’t mind me doing so just this once. 

BAZ

Two hours. That’s how long it takes me to drive home. 

No one in this house will notice my absence anyway.

SIMON

“Mordelia!” I shout, as I see a swirl of black hair bend around the corner of a building. 

I finally catch up to see her attempting to climb the chain link fence at the end of the alley way she just turned down, and failing at it.

“Just come down, that’s dangerous. I’m a friend of your brother Baz, Simon Snow.”

“I’m stuck,” she croaks quietly. I jog over to grab her legs.

“Let go, I’ve got you.” I help lower her to the ground.

“Can you please not run away this time?” I ask, but I don’t think I really need to. She looks haggard, worn out, like she has witnessed too much recently.

Things someone as young as her shouldn’t look. 

It reminds me of myself at a younger age, before Watford.

“I know where his spare key is. Let’s go inside yeah?”

“Okay,” she mumbles and begins to trudge back to Baz’s flat. I’m curious as to why she was here and what was going on, but I won’t ask out of privacy. (And I remember hating being asked questions when I was lost too)

I leave her in the lounge room to make a cup of tea for us both, just like Miss Possibelf did my first day at Watford.

“I know who you were,” she says from the other room.

“Pardon?”

“You didn’t need to introduce yourself. You’re pretty well known at Watford.”

“For being the poor kid?”

“God no, you are kind of a legend. A success story. My brother hated it. When on earth did you guys become friends?”

“Uhhh,” I’m not sure quite how to answer that because were we ever really friends?

“He was so obsessed with you in high school. Always talking about you, trying to figure out a way to one up you.”

“He was smarter than me but.”

“But you had a ‘magnetic pull’- how Baz once put it to me,"she says using air quotes. "He admired it. I think he loved you as much as he hated you. My brother is weird.”

“Yeah, he is,” I mumble, cheeks going red at the thought of Baz noticing and thinking of me so intensely even his little sister noticed.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Few references to the original book here, I can't help it ;)  
> Also thanks everyone for being so patient <3

BAZ  
For some reason, the traffic from our estate in the country back into the city is going super slow. It makes me wish I could spell it away. Driving slow really tests one’s patience. 

It also allows me to think about what to say to Snow when I get back. Because last time I saw him was a slightly messy situation, which is at fault for this is blurred. Snow’s for freaking out; mine for making him freak out. Neither is really to blame. (One day though I’ll blame him and tell him so to his face, may we be friends or partners or just acquaintances at the supermarket) (But in my mind it's as partners, or better yet, husbands)

I’ve spent my whole entire life being meticulously planned and having every aspect down to minute detail organised. So I could be the best shining student, not get into trouble at home, and to hide my emotions from everyone, especially my annoying roommate. 

So instead of planning exactly what I want to say, I allow myself to think of Snow’s golden hair, his moles, even his morning breath. I’m strangely calm, and my time driving doesn’t seem to lag, it seems to go much faster, there’s suddenly (or maybe this is minutes later, I’ve lost sense of time) no traffic, I’m heading home so fast it’s like I’m the king, and everyone has made way for me. 

SNOW

Mordelia falls asleep in Baz’s guest room. (Yes, the guy is so rich he can have a guest room whilst living in London.) This leaves me to my own device, and in my nervousness at seeing Baz again I begin to tidy- his house is looking a bit messy for once. (And by messy I mean there is a few mugs out of place and a book on the coffee table.)

The shopping channel in the background relaxes me as I lay on the couch, and I begin to drift off after my heavy cleaning antics. It’s been a long day and night.

MORDELIA

I love my brother. Really, I do. Even though I didn’t tell him where I was. I just wanted to see how long it would take my coward of a father to tell him I was missing. (Two whole weeks- I expected a month if I’m being honest.)

I don’t hate Watford either, I just hate the subjects I’m forced to take. Who on earth finds political history or nuclear physics interesting, when I could be painting, or singing, or reading Shakespearean poetry. I’ll go back after this, I haven’t fallen behind at all, because my one friend in my classes, Annie, has been sending me all the boring crap I’m meant to be learning, while I’ve been in Scotland with Aunt Fiona. (She’s on a very secretive business thingy there, and let me crash with her. She thought it might teach my dad a lesson. The jury is still out on whether it did.)

But back to my brother. I want him to be happy. I’ve known his roommate at school did, although he would never admit it. 

Baz is the best brother in the world, and if Simon Snow brings a glimmer to his eye, then I’m shipping them. 

SNOW

I wake up to a cold hand touching my shoulder. When I stir, it pulls away.

“Snow,” I hear a voice whisper, which takes me a second to recognise. 

Baz.

“I’m awake!” I stutter, shooting up into a sitting position, almost bowling Baz over. (He does stumble back a bit I notice.)

“I can see that,” he replies sarcastically.

God, I’ve missed him. 

“You’re back. Fast.” I say. I’m still half asleep; my brain is slowly catching up, and i begin leading in towards his thighs where he stands.

“That I am. Is Mordelia here?” He asks, planting his hand again on my shoulder to push me back.

And then my face falls, because I realise he rushed back not for me but for his sister. I shouldn’t be jealous, but I am a little. 

Baz must notice. 

“Snow, we really do need to talk I believe.”

“No, no it’s cool. Your sister is in the guest room. We can wait. She needs you right now.”

“Very well. You can wait here if you like.”

“I’m quite tired, but perhaps tomorrow sometime. You know where I am.”

“If you wish. Night, Snow.”

“Night, Baz.”

BAZ

Right now Mordelia needs me. But I need Snow. It takes every fibre of my being not to run after him, spin him around and crash my lips into his. 

I resist somehow. I guess I’ll just have to make time fly again after I sort my sister out.


End file.
